The Fear Of Falling Behind

It’s probably my biggest, unconscious fear, yet I have never addressed it…
I’ll admit it, I am absolutely terrified of falling behind. Now this may be in any aspect of my life whether it be blogging, university, friendships, Instagram, trends; I am just scared of not being up to date. I used to think this was a good thing. I’d do my homework the night I got it, I’d blog and blog and blog and push myself to make sure my content went up on time, and I’d spend time that I didn’t have trying to read the latest book or watch the latest film to make sure I was ‘up to date’.
I think social media had a big impact on this. Social media tells us that we always have to be THERE, in the moment of what’s happening online, otherwise we will miss it. If I haven’t been on twitter for a few hours, it shows me things that I ‘may have missed’, and it makes me feel guilty. Yup, I feel guilty for living my life and being busy instead of constantly ‘up-to-date’ on social media.
This unconscious fear that I have inside me is the main reason I left my Instagram pods. I wrote a whole post about it, but the underlying issue is that I am terrified of falling behind because I think that I will be left there, and it stresses me out.
Until this year, like I said above, I thought this was a good thing. But, sometimes, it is not. In my first year of university, I was so scared of being left behind. Being from a small village school, it was my first time exposed to such a diverse group of people. Some who are incredibly intelligent, and I felt inadequate. I forgot to remind myself that I was there for me and not anyone else, and I pushed myself too hard. I stayed up until 5 am WEEKS before my deadlines, hammering out work because I wanted to get ahead. Because, for some reason, I thought submitting my work 2 weeks before the deadline would help me do that.

Needless to say, it did not, it did not at all. In fact, it made my quality of work lower than I could achieve, and I know that. I pushed myself too hard, all because I wanted to win a race that nobody else was taking part in. If I’d have reviewed and edited the work with fresh eyes the next day, my grade would’ve been much higher, and I know that.
So, I guess what I’m trying to say in this post, is that I acknowledge that I have the fear of falling behind. I acknowledge that I have this complex about always being one step ahead, and I think that the rapid habit of social media is to partly blame for that. But, I now acknowledge that it is not doing me any good, socially, mentally, emotionally, anything-ally.
I’ve forgotten how to live in the moment, instead constantly trying to live in the future. That’s why I am writing this post on 25th August, but you won’t be reading it until at least  20th September.
I haven’t got any better, but I’m working on it. And I am definitely working on not letting this mind frame affect any of my future university work.
Thanks for reading.
H x

9 thoughts on “The Fear Of Falling Behind

  1. I totally admire your courage in speaking out about something like this, sweetie, and I promise you’re not on your own in feeling this way. I hope that in writing this post it brought you some relief and took a weight off your chest. You’re doing amazing at the moment chick. Oh and your photos in this post? Stunning. <3

  2. I think it’s so beautiful that you found the power to identify your fears, and face them directly, realizing how it’s impacting you. I think accepting your fears is very empowering to you as a person, as now you know exactly how to fight it, instead of blindly going through your day feeling random anxiety and not knowing why. I’m genuinely happy for you💛

  3. Living in the moment is so much harder than it sounds! We’re always thinking about the past or planning tomorrow. Thanks so much for sharing this so honestly. I’ve allowed myself to fall behind recently, because the treadmill lifestyle was getting too much. I’ll catch up 🙂

  4. Acknowledging when something isn’t working for you is the first step to making positive changes, and I am so proud of you for being so open and honest about this side of you! I used to be very similar in sixth form when I’d do the homework on the night it was set and race to get ahead, in the end I found the same as you though, that it didn’t produce my best work! I do still try to keep a week or so ahead on blogging just in case I have a ‘mare of a week or totally lose inspiration, but it does mean that sometimes I’m not all that enthusiastic any more about my content when I hit publish! It’s hard to negotiate because you don’t want to be behind and doing everything in a last minute panic but also you don’t want to be so far ahead that you lose the love for what you’re doing! I’m sure that with time, you’ll find something that works for you! Sending hugs!
    Abbey 💖

  5. Oh Hayley, I think you’re just fabulous for sharing this. That sense of ‘falling behind’ with things really resonates with me – I often feel, especially (if I’m being honest) in the world of blogging and comment pods, like I’m chasing my tail – and more recently with my new job. You’ve made me feel a little bit less alone in feeling this way, and I can’t tell you how much I admire you for writing this post.
    Like Abbey says, the first step was to admit you want to change something and to hear you’re working on it is incredible.
    You are fabulous and brave and I have huge love for you writing this post!
    Kate x

  6. Thanks so much for sharing this and well done for doing so. It was so nice to read such an honest post. I too got too caught up with instagram posts and sometimes I have to remind myself that it’s okay not to see every post or picture. I really admire you for writing this and I hope you are keeping well.

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